Thursday, January 4, 2018

2017: A year of rediscovery

If I would describe 2017 in one single word it is a year of rediscovery. It was a year I was able to reassess my inner self and somehow the universe also materialized most of it in the physical world I am living in. It required bumps and I had to deal with days full of anxiety but with time and patience, everything fell in to place and I can say my state of being right now is the most peaceful I had become. 

It was an eventful year for my work. When someone ask me what's my job, it's easy to say I am a fashion designer specializing in lolita fashion. But this year I was able to rediscover that I am more than that and the process was like meeting an old bestfriend. You see, I rediscovered my love for lolita fashion because of it's community aspect. As someone who has an eclectic taste in almost everything, there's nothing more comforting than finding a community where people celebrate each other. It's a whole new level of belonging than just having people accept you or tolerate you as you are. That is one thing, but to be celebrated as you are is another.

It was also a year rediscovering personal relationships. As much as it's a curious thing to share what happened in detail, I thought I really have no words but instead I will just share photos of it and let it serve as a reminder for my future self. 

For the first time, I felt the pressure of keeping a pleasant physical appearance because that is what's expected of me as a woman. It's a different phase when you're nearing 30s. I tried peeking on that direction and I realized it is not the attention I want and need. Beauty is only skin deep.

It was a year of reconnection, reassurance and, closure.

A year of a better understanding with my inner self. The past years, I was struggling with wanting to do more while I'm also craving for a slow life. I was all over the place, barely satisfied with minimal accomplishments because I was blinded with the idea of "the more, the merrier". How millennial of me. lol But I guess motherhood changed me and it made me more aware of my surroundings somehow. That slowing down is not the way backwards but a way to grow. I was slapped in the face when I realized Beau is almost done being a toddler and I'm like "Wait, what? Where did the time go?"

I learned for real that less is more. It's an old and cliche phrase but it's definitely hard to pull off. You cannot force it because it's something that should naturally occur depending on the lifestyle you choose to take.

Photos from Beau's birthday and my birthday. It is our third year into our inward lifestyle when it comes to special occasions like birthdays. Slow and quiet doesn't always mean something is lacking.

I was able to unconsciously apply it on many aspects of my life. It was amazing because it seems my subconscious made me design my life this way because my physical body can only handle so much. My body worked according to my needs. Allowing myself to be free is a luxury on it's own already.

Smoler but organic circle. Because I can only give so much and all I need is a tribe who are on the same boat.
2nd year into Konmari method and while my belongings has downsized, I am left with things that truly spark joy.


And after all the rediscoveries, I also have new discoveries. Beau is developing her personality and to witness this is amazing. 

This 2018, my usual unorthodox mom self decided I will not live for my child but I will live with my child. 2018 will be a pursuit of balanceHappy new year!