Friday, December 30, 2011

Goodbye 2011 | Picnic Patches JSK

Hello!

I'm back with a little bit brighter mood. I had my hair cut and it never felt so good to be actually different. This year has never been that good to me. But I still consider it a blessing for I know that after these, I wouldn't be afraid anymore. I consider my mom's passing as the most painful event that ever happened in my life. I don't think there will be any other that can bypass the pain I've been through. 

I officially resumed to the life I loved. Today, I started cleaning up the mess in my atelier. My brother showed his utmost support to me and promised to help me move into a better workplace. While I am still waiting for that, I will take this time to release the dresses I made just before my Mama passed away. I offer my work and my love in memory of my two selves: Mama and Papa. 

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Picnic Patches JSK. Made out of good quality cotton and adorned with venise laces and ribbons. It will be available for purchase at Dorotee Sweetlips' site.




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Friday, December 23, 2011

Christmas Wishes

I may sound irritating to some these days due to how pessimistic I am when I speak. I am aware of it, of course. But pardon me for a little while for I am still under grieving state. I don't know how long will it take though. Someday, you will understand. Nothing is permanent.

Anyway, even though I am not in the mood to celebrate the upcoming holidays, it would be a good therapy to actually wish for things. And as I asses what I really want this Christmas, I can actually say the wishes I have now is not of a child anymore. I don't know what to feel exactly. It's a mix of sadness and amusement. It's bittersweet.

I only have 5 wishes this Christmas:

1. Peace of mind
2. Good Health
3. More chances of travelling
4. Stronger bond with my old friends
5. Continuous career in fashion


I do not put too much interest with material things that much anymore. Those things I can buy if I wanted to. These things I wish for are hard earned and can sustain me for a lifetime.

Merry Christmas everyone. I'm currently photo-less if you have noticed for my camera lens died on me. I hope to get me a new one before the year ends so I can document stories through photographs again. Once again, I greet every one a Merry Christmas.


Friday, December 16, 2011

Of sadness and anger

Sorry for those who found me gloomy during the past weeks. It has been very hard for me to go on with my normal routine ever since my Mama passed away. While I may find ways to cheer up myself, there are little things that kept on reminding me how different it is now without my Mama. I have always been independent when it comes to financial needs. I financed my own business. I sent myself to school. But I know deep inside, I am still a child who needs the love and care that only a mother can give. I miss my Mama.

Things would have been a lot easier at home without our cousins pestering us. They wanted a piece of the pie of whatever my parents have left. If I was an only child, I would be very glad to leave this place altogether and start a new life on my own, keeping in touch of the people who makes me happy. After all, I kept telling myself, what I am now is more than enough. No million-worth cash can replace the good life, values and education my parents have given me. Nobody can steal my heart and my mind.

Please pray for me that I may be more strong and patient.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I'm now a mother..

..of my four younger siblings. I don't feel very comfortable to disclose the news to people I'm not tightly connected with and even to people whom I don't even know. I want this event of my life to be remembered in such a way that is serene. But what can I do? I need to let people know that I am a different person now..not different-different but the change I need to make is not a necessity but a responsibility I need to face. I have a body of a child but there is work to be done.

Two days ago, my mama died.

I didn't cry much. I only did until I saw her when I arrived here in her hometown, where she died. I am in denial but I knew that she knew this was coming. Even in her ill condition, she insisted on going home because she knew. Weeks ago, she suddenly sent contractors to install the window display for my atelier. Weeks ago, my banished sister was finally welcomed by her with open arms. Just so you know, she used to be against about my choice of career. That is the reason why I work hard to pay for my education..because she refuse to pay for it. My sister have tried asking for forgiveness.. several times.. but failed every time. She knew this was coming. These were her last gift to us.

Life..

My mama is a woman torn between the practical and the luxurious. It's funny to admit that most of my personal qualities are very much the same with hers. Sometimes, I think, I AM her. Only less kind. With proper words and actions, she can easily give her heart to anyone. That part, I didn't inherit. My trust cannot be easily gained and almost impossible to regain if you break it.. I think I got that part of me from my papa. What I am now is a product of Mama and Papa. My two selves are together now and what I can do is to be happy for them. They have lived a fruitful life. It is my promise to live mine in the same way.